Catching up...and waiting again

8 months...that's a long time to abandon a blog.. If anyone is out there still reading thank you, I'll try to catch you up on the journey we have been walking on for these past few months. Shortly after my last post in February, the phone rang on a Friday afternoon with news we thought would be life changing for our family... It was the director of our adoption agency with news that our little guys birthmother was expecting a baby girl in May and wanted to place her with our family! We were over the moon with excitement!! We had been praying about the Lord's timing and starting adoption #2 and could not believe we were being given the chance to adopt the sibling of our sweet boy! We needed to update our home study and do it fast! The next 2 weeks were spent taking care of reference letters, medical forms, fingerprints, background checks, & a visit from our social worker. We were officially approved to adopt again! We spent the next few weeks finishing up our school year and anticipating the arrival of our new baby girl. We kept the news very private, only telling our immediate family and a few very close friends, those same sweet friends blessed us with bags of sweet baby girl clothes and another crib. Before we knew it May was here, the little pink clothes were washed and ready to go, the crib was set up next to our bed and we were anxiously awaiting the phone to ring with the exciting news that she was here! When the phone rang that Tuesday afternoon the news was not what we had been hoping for...the baby had been delivered, but our birthmother was having second thoughts about placing her for adoption...at this point all we could was wait and pray. 7 days later we got the final phone call, she had decided to parent this baby.

Our hearts were broken, we had never expected this decision. I walked through some amazing emotions during those next few weeks...grief, sadness, doubt, anger...I experienced it all! I honestly thought that the journey of waiting so long for our first adoption was hard, but this experience was ten times harder! My sinful flesh wanted to be angry with her choice, but every time I looked at my sweet Sammy's face and the most precious gift she gave me by choosing me to be his Mama I could not be angry with her choice. God's ways are so much higher than ours and He knew from the moment that child was conceived who should be her parents. I didn't understand His plan during this time, I couldn't feel His hand, but knew that I could trust His heart. More than ever my eyes were opened at how adoption is such a clear picture of our redemption as His children.

We spent the next few months grieving, packing up all the baby things we had gotten ready, explaining why "baby sister" wasn't coming right now, and leaning on the Lord for comfort. I now affectionately refer to Summer 2012 as my "fertilizer summer". The application of fertilizer is stinky, messy and gross, but the end result when you have that lush, beautiful lawn is worth all the effort. This journey has been "fertilizer to my faith." The summer ended and we started praying about beginning our adoption journey again. We knew without a doubt we wanted to add another little one to our family and it seemed like the timing was right to start the process again. Fortunately all the paperwork was already done and all we needed to do was prepare a new profile book showing potential birthmothers a little bit about our family. We finished our book in early September, dropped it off with our agency and are officially "waiting" again. Will our wait be long or short?? Only the Lord knows...obviously we pray for short...but we know His timing is perfect and He makes no mistakes. Thank you to those who love us, support us, and pray for us...you are our greatest blessing! Thank you for praying with us as we grow our family by two more feet...